Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Suspects Washington Would Be Less Hostile With a Decent Bacon, Egg, and Cheese

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez returned to Showtime’s Desus and Mero with a couple of observations in her pocket: One, no one in Congress is smarter than a bartender; two, Washington is a bacon, egg and cheese desert, a realization that would leave any New Yorker reeling.

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Decked out in Timbs, Ocasio-Cortez took fellow Bronx natives Desus and Mero on a tour around the Parkchester neighborhood of the Bronx that Ocasio-Cortez represents in Congress.

“We’re going to start our day as any Bronx hike does with a bodega sandwich,” Desus said. “What kind of bodega sandwich do you like to eat?”

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“I’m a bacon, egg and cheese,” Ocasio-Cortez said.

“Nice, What kind of cheese?” Desus asked.

“Well, I do cheddar if I can,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “American if I have to.”

Hm, acceptable answer, even though American cheese—processed though it may be—is the best cheese for melting on sandwich like this. But I digress. Ocasio-Cortez made up for her somewhat controversial cheese preference when she asked the right question upon entering the bodega: “Where’s the cat?”

Desus asked Ocasio-Cortez if it’s hard to get a good bacon, egg, and cheese in D.C.

“Impossible!” Ocasio-Cortez said. “There’s no bodegas anywhere. I don’t know how anybody eats in Washington, D.C. Which probably explains why everybody’s fighting all the time.”

“They’re hangry!” Mero suggested.

This explains a lot, actually.

Later, the trio hit up a bar to see if Ocasio-Cortez still retained her old bartending skills. Many of her rivals on the right revel in the fact that she was bartending right before she became a congresswoman. But Ocasio-Cortez thinks the joke is on them.

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“It’s not an insult to me [when people say I should go back to bartending], and I feel like people are always clowning themselves when they say that,” Ocasio-Cortez said. “It’s like, okay, so you think every person you represent that’s a bartender, a waitress, a working person, what, that they can’t do this job? Because let me tell you, I work with some of these people, and they are not smarter than a bartender.”

Ocasio-Cortez proceeded to make margaritas and a Hennesey Shirley Temple, the latter of which gives me a headache just thinking about.

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They ended the day with Mexican food and a prayer to Big Pun. In other words, a serene Bronx day. If only there had been a cat in that bodega.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

sidandfinancy
Sid and Financy

American cheese—processed though it may be—is the best cheese for melting on sandwich like this.

What now?

American might melt well for a lazy-ass melter, in the same way that cold margarine spreads more easily than cold butter, but c’mon!—almost any actual cheese tastes better and can be melted properly with the slightest bit of care and effort.