Ben Shapiro Stumped by Wet Pussy

Illustration for article titled Ben Shapiro Stumped by Wet Pussy
Image: Mark Ralston/YouTube (Getty Images)

Ben Shapiro, a right-wing media personality who constantly sounds congested, is outraged by the new Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion song, “WAP.”

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On Monday, with the energy of a ’90s PTA mom, Shapiro took to his namesake Daily Wire podcast to discuss the apparent depravity of two grown women rapping about being really good in bed.

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Predictably, he’s afraid of pussy:

“Here’s some of the lyrics, are you ready? ‘Hold up, I said certified freak, seven days a week, wet ass p-word, make that pull-out game weak. Yeah, you effin’ with some wet ass p-word’—p-word is female genitalia—‘bring a bucket and a mop for this wet ass p-word. Give me everything you’ve got for this wet ass p-word. Beat it up, n-word, catch a charge. Extra-large and extra hard. Put this p-word right in your face, swipe your nose like a credit card. Hop on top, I wanna ride, I do a kegel while it’s inside. Spit in my mouth, look in my eyes, this p-word is wet, come take a dive.’ It continues along these lines. And it gets significantly—significantly—more vulgar. Like, a lot more vulgar.

Just say pussy, you p-word!

Shapiro continued his pearl-clutching with a snide take on contemporary feminism.

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“‘Pay my tuition just to kiss me on this wet ass p-word,’” Shapiro reads. “Guys, this is what feminists fought for. It’s what feminism is all about. It’s not really about women being treated as independent, full-rounded human beings, it’s about wet ass p-word. And if you say anything differently, it’s because you’re a misogynist, you see.”

Feminists, cultural critics, and hip-hop fans have discussed women’s bodily autonomy, marketable sex appeal, and the male gaze that dominates the hip hop genre and the culture at large for the last 30 years. This shit isn’t new, and Shapiro certainly didn’t add any nuance to the discussion with his “woman say icky sex word” screed. But instead of worrying about the tender ears of America’s youth, maybe he should be worrying about his wife.

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Shapiro goes on to say, “When I first saw the lyrics to this song, my first concern... is that these women are describing a serious gynecological condition. I’m serious. I mean, a bucket and a mop? There’s something going on here that is not biologically normal.”

He asked his wife, a doctor, for her medical diagnosis. She suggests that they could have bacterial vaginosis, a yeast infection, or “most probably” trichomonis, by which we assume he meant trichomoniasis.

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Humorlessness aside, Shapiro and his wife suggesting that a couple of black women writing about having an enticingly lubricated vaginas—great for penetrative sex—must have a gynecological ailment is really just telling on themselves. Congratulations, Shapiro, for letting us all know that a wet pussy is a foreign concept for both you and your wife.

Staff writer, mint chocolate hater.

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DISCUSSION

theghostofjimmadison
The Ghost of James Madison's Rage Boner

Wait, Ben Shapiro is married, yet he’s unfamiliar with wet pussies?

Huh.