Donald Trump is a man who loves women, particularly how grabbable her pussy is.
So I felt extra inspired and empowered when Trump on Thursday night condemned the “enomenesssssss source” who went behind Trump’s back to pen a meek but sufficiently embarrassing op-ed in the New York Times about the trainwreck administration and assumed that the leaker was not a man but a woman.
I always knew it, but now I can say it: Donald Trump a feminist.
“He was—nobody knows who the hell he is,” said Trump, talking about the enonumendssfbeoussssss source, “or she, although they put ‘he’ but probably that’s a little disguise, that means it’s ‘she’—but for the sake of our national security the New York Times should publish his name at once—I think their reporters should go in and investigate who it is. That would actually be a good scoop.”
What a scoop it would be! What would the Times uncover? Was it...White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders? Or someone closer to home—Melania—who released a statement denouncing it, which would mean she couldn’t possibly have written it, could she? Perhaps it’s the one woman in the White House that Trump really covets, his daughter Ivanka?
Or maybe Trump knows it really was Jezebel’s own Cannibal Witch all along.