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Michelle Obama is tired of our shit. The First Lady has hit the Hillary Clinton campaign trail to speak in slow, crystal clear sentences, making a gallant attempt to save us from ourselves.

At an event Wednesday in Philadelphia—kicking off her tour through the battleground state of Pennsylvania—the woman who none of us deserves attempted to talk some goddamn sense into voters, warning them that too many protest votes or empty ballots on election day will almost certainly give us President Trump. Because she is more polite than I, Michelle did not end her plea with, “you goddamn clods.”

“Here’s the truth: Either Hillary Clinton or her opponent will be elected president this year. And if you vote for someone other than Hillary or if you don’t vote at all, then you are helping to elect Hillary’s opponent.”


Please note her continued refusal to even utter Donald Trump’s name because it truly is beneath her.


I have to believe, as Mrs. Obama gets her hair done, puts on another perfect outfit and reviews her remarks, she can’t shake the nagging feeling: Holy shit, I cannot believe I actually have to do this.

On Monday, the Clinton campaign released their first ad featuring Michelle Obama where she again appeals to our common sense and decency.

It’s not so much the campaigning, but the having to explain how voting works and how high the stakes really are to a nation of people who amazingly, still don’t seem to grasp the gravity of the situation at hand.


If there was ever a living example of the adage black children have grown up hearing, “You have to be twice as good to get half of what they have,” it’s Michelle Obama. So let’s ruminate over the fact that, if we had just gotten our shit together, if the country was even marginally less racist and sexist and if the climate of American politics was even slightly less idiotic, we might have gotten a President Michelle Obama.

I hope, after all this is done, she enjoys her extended vacation knowing she did all she could to help us. God help us.