White House: Melania Did Not Deliberately Call Donald a Shit

Yesterday, Melania did the number one unspeakable thing on the official White House Melania Trump verboten list. Melania took a stance.

To recap: on Friday night, her cheeseburger-induced fart-bloat husband called Don Lemon and LeBron James stupid on Twitter, writing: “Lebron James was just interviewed by the dumbest man on television, Don Lemon. He made Lebron look smart, which isn’t easy to do. I like Mike!” (“Mike” referring to Michael Jordan). Many were quick to point out that a critical special election is coming up in LeBron’s home state of Ohio on Tuesday, you twit, and Michael Jordan issued a statement to NBC praising LeBron James for “doing an amazing job for his community.”

In the interview, a timely re-run, James remarked on how Trump uses sports–calling NFL players who kneel “sons of bitches,” for example–to advance his own race war:

“[Trump] is dividing us and what I noticed over the last few months is that he’s kinda used sport to divide us and that’s something I can’t relate to, because I know that sport was the first time I was ever around someone white.”

They also discussed a school James has opened in his hometown of Akron with a foodbank, employment services for parents, and free meals and bikes to students.

Less than 24 hours after the LeBron tweet, Melania’s spokesperson issued a statement offering to visit James’s school, praising him for “working to do good things on behalf of our next generation,” and, damningly, emphasized the importance of teaching children “responsible online behavior.”

Nothing in Trump world says “fuck your assholery” like encouraging “open dialogue.”

Now ABC News is reporting that an anonymous “senior White House official” has explained that “That wasn’t her taking sides — that was her office stick to what she is focused on, which is using Be Best for what it’s intended — to help children.” It was all just a big misunderstanding, and she will NEVER EVER DO IT AGAIN, MELANIA.