Donald Trump, a bewildered, golden-helmeted astronaut who’s just landed on this planet from a distant galaxy, wants to debate Bernie Sanders. He will only do so, however, in a giant arena and only if someone pledges millions of dollars to “women’s health issues or something.” Tragically, nobody asked him which ones.

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Trump proposed this novel idea Thursday during a “press availability” in North Dakota, which in Trump’s case means a bizarre fever dream in which he stands behind a podium for hours, haranguing a group of reporters with a series of lies, insults, half-truths, sentence fragments, and probably spittle flecks for the frontmost rows.

The Sanders camp has signaled a willingness to debate Trump, which is sort of odd considering that Sanders is, mathematically, not going to be the Democratic nominee.

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“We are ready to debate Donald Trump,” Sanders’ campaign manager Jeff Weaver told CNN Chief Beard Wolf Blitzer. “We hope he will not chicken out. I think it will be great for America to see these two candidates and the different visions they have for America going forward.”

Trump responded, “I’d love to debate Bernie. He’s a dream. If we can raise for maybe women’s health issues or something. If we can raise $10 or $15 million for charity, which would be a very appropriate amount.”

Sanders, rather than pointing out that a debate doesn’t usually resemble a celebrity boxing match, is into the idea:

Sanders did not address Trump’s plan to somehow raise money for the nation’s ailing vaginas.

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This is a sideshow and a nonsensical distraction and I deeply want to see it.


Photo via AP