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Welcome to Barf Bag, a daily politics roundup to help you sort through the chaotic Trumpian news cycle.

In a striking coincidence, I am now “seriously considering” locking myself in a closet forever and eating my fingers.

Here’s all the shit we couldn’t cover today:

  • Sheriff Joe Arpaio, a loudly racist former Arizona sheriff with a hideous record who was convicted last month of criminal contempt for ignoring a judge’s order to stop racially profiling people, is a “great American patriot,” according to our Dear Leader. In fact, Trump is “seriously thinking about” pardoning Arpaio, because what better time to really cement that the president is chill with racism than in the immediate aftermath of a deadly terror attack by a white supremacist? Arpaio told Fox News he would accept the pardon, “because I am 100 percent not guilty.” [Washington Post]
  • Free fallin’, now I’m free fallin’ / now I’m / free fallin’, now I’m [The Hill]
  • In a tale as old as time, the Charlottesville suspect has been accused of domestic violence. [Washington Post]
  • FCC Commissioner Ajit V. Pai is helping conservative behemoth Sinclair Broadcasting develop an “unparalleled national platform.” [New York Times]
  • California and San Francisco are suing the Trump administration over threats to withhold federal funding from “sanctuary cities.” [LA Times]
  • The McMaster-Bannon dudefight continues as the Breitbart wing seeks to purge every last non-lunatic from the White House. [Talking Points Memo]
  • Environmental groups are suing the EPA, claiming the agency is bucking chemical safety laws. [The Hill]
  • And, ICYMI: this piece on Scott Pruitt’s secret dismantling of the EPA is a horror movie. [New York Times]
  • Caption this!

Here are some tweets the president was allowed to publish: