Photo via AP

Donald Trump, a yellowing mop dripping with an unidentifiable, viscous fluid, is very concerned about fairness. As such, he’s worried about his upcoming debates against Hillary Clinton, and is suggesting maybe they could just sit on a stage and shout at each other instead.

During a phoned-in appearance on CNBC’s Squawk Box, as Politico notes, Trump said the debate moderator would be mean to him because the system is “being rigged:”

“The fact is,” Trump continued, “that they’re gaming the system, and I think, maybe, we should have no moderator. Let Hillary and I sit there and just debate because I think the system is being rigged so it’s gonna be a very unfair debate, and I can see it happening right now because everyone’s saying that he was soft on Trump. Well now the new person’s gonna try to be really hard on Trump just to show, you know, the establishment what he can do. So I think it’s very unfair what they’re doing. So I think we should have a debate with no moderators — just Hillary and I sitting there talking.”

Since the summer, Trump has been looking for ways to either get out of the debates or blunt their surely embarrassing impact on his campaign. In July, he claimed the NFL wrote him a letter complaining the debates conflicted with football; the NFL replied publicly that he is full of shit.

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Trump also defended Matt Lauer for his epically bad performance during a presidential forum last week, saying Lauer actually did a great job. “I think he was professional and has been treated unfairly,” he told CNBC. “He was not nice to me, and he was tough. I answered them better than she did.”

It must be extraordinary to live in a world where everything you do is flawless, nothing is ever your fault, and the only obstacle to greatness is everybody else. According to Politico, the debate moderators will be NBC News’ Lester Holt, ABC’s Martha Raddatz, CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Fox News’ Chris Wallace, with C-SPAN’s Steve Scully as backup.