Are you scared of the direction this country is headed in? Do you long for a strong, pro-Christ former football player who wasn’t even very good at football to take the freaking reins already? Well, you can just go ahead and breathe, my friends, because Tim Tebow has got this one in the bag.
Tebow, a former NFL quarterback who no longer belongs to a team but does still belong to Jesus, was recently asked in an interview with Fox’s Ainsley Earhardt if he might enter the political sphere. His response is a study in blind confidence.
“It’s been crazy, hasn’t it? It’s been a whirlwind watching everything,” Tebow said to Fox Sports. “You know, I don’t know in this time in my life, but if there’s a chance you can make a difference someday in something, then that would be intriguing.”
Let’s just break this down for a sec, shall we?
Tebow characterized his experience observing the 2016 election as a “whirlwind.” A “whirlwind” is when your Vine goes viral and you end up on Ellen and can suddenly make a living by taking selfies with laxative tea brands on Instagram. A “whirlwind” is when you go on a date, and it’s amazing, and then the next day you go on a second date, and then all of a sudden you’re in love and meeting his parents in New Jersey and you ask your therapist if she thinks it’s moving too fast and she’s like “um” and you’re like “I disagree this is amazing.” Here’s what a “whirlwind” is not: watching Donald Trump and Ted Cruz argue over whose wife is hotter.
The second word I’d like to focus on is “intriguing.” Only a man who accidentally stuck a glop of hair gel so deep in his ear that it became lodged in his hippocampus would take a look at the past 8 months and think, “Yes, I would be wonderful at this!” That being said, the very sad truth is that Tim Tebow probably would be wonderful at this, seeing as he is 6'3, has never had sex, and can be easily visualized taking on ISIS one by one in hand-to-hand combat.
See you in 2020, Tim, and hey, Fox Sports—thanks for always inspiring men to dream big.
Image via Getty.