We’re here at the Conservative Political Action Conference, and we are women, and that is OK. Better than OK: this year’s CPAC features a notable amount of free swag and purchase-able items aimed at the lady GOP consumer. You can find it easily because most of it is pink. A few highlights:

Women & Guns magazine, “the world’s first firearms publication for women.”

Women & Guns is actually just fine; I learned that a gel-based pepper defense gun is preferable to spray, because it’s less likely to “cross-contaminate the defender.” That’s news I can use!

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This bumper sticker, which I should have bought and am now regretting not having done so.

Abortion Hurts! stickers from National Right to Life, handed out by some nice young men with rubber fetus models. The fetuses are not for sale.

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The NRL booth also has handouts about fetal pain, which isn’t a real thing, and stickers reading, “When you think Planned Parenthood, Think Abortion!”

A fetal foot pin, represented here via Instagram because I somehow immediately lost the actual pin directly after Gawker news editor Gabrielle Bluestone handed it to me. Symbolism.

Sense & Sexuality: the college girl’s guide to real protection in a hooked-up world, a beautiful and very quotable pamphlet handed out by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute, an organization which prepares and promotes conservative women leaders.

And you can’t lead conservatively with cervical cancer:

Or with anything whatsoever in your butt:

Noted. Not necessarily followed, but noted.

Great Conservative women calendar, this year featuring both Michelle Malkin and Michele Bachman.

An absolute stampede of elephant clothing and jewelry, much of it from Future Female Leader, “America’s leading social movement for young conservative women.”

There are manhole-sized elephant necklaces, elephant pins, and some very good elephant skirts and dresses, modeled by FFL members who are moving in a large and cheerful #squad.

The FFL also has these ambitious t-shirts about the type of men they’re looking for, a metaphorical blend I find slightly hard to picture.

A Sarah Palin devotional.

I got each of you one.


Photo by Gabrielle Bluestone, excellent visual metaphor by National Right to Life