Welcome to Big Time Small-Time Dicks, a regular column on The Slot that explores local politicians, small-town scandals, and everything else making life miserable on a local level. Know a small time person who is a big time dick we should feature? Email us.

It’s not often that we have occasion to revisit a previous entrant into the Big Time Small-Time Dicks Hall of Fame, but today is a special day. Some time ago, we told you about Texas man Robert Morrow, elected as chair of the Travis County GOP despite the fact that much of the Travis County GOP can’t stand him. Today, he insists to Jezebel that his dick is—contrary to his misinterpretation of the name of this column—huge.

The war dividing Austin’s establishment Republicans was kicked into high gear back in March, when Morrow was elected chair of the Travis County Republican Party with 54 percent of the vote. That is a problem because Morrow, as we noted at the time, is a little nutty, an intensely ridiculous political conspiracy theorist pleading for attention with an endless stream of racist, sexist, homophobic, cheerfully vulgar tweets. His particular fixation right now is Hillary Clinton, of course:

Well, Hillary Clinton and hentai porn, that is.

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The Travis County GOP wisely decided to do a little preemptive damage control before Morrow is sworn in as chairman for what promises to be a very long two years. On Wednesday, as the Austin-American Statesman reports, at the last meeting before his furious reign begins, they voted to keep the party’s cash and control of its social media accounts out of Morrow’s hands. That stuff will instead be handled by a committee that Morrow is not on. From the Statesman:

Joe Pojman, a precinct chairman who supported the plan, took the microphone and read tweets Morrow had posted during the meeting, including a cleaned-up version of a profanity-laced attack on former Gov. Rick Perry and a statement on what the party’s “top priority” will be when he is chairman: large female breasts.

The renewed attention has naturally invigorated Morrow, who seems to be doing a little vanity Googling. He came across the Big Time Small-Time Dicks story we penned about him months ago and became fixated on the name of the column, which he alleges is inaccurate in his case.

It is absolutely true that I do not have firsthand knowledge of Morrow’s penis, nor will I ever, due to my apparently unshakeable excess of self-respect and good judgment. That said, the name of the column is a figure of speech and not an invitation to launch loud, somewhat unconvincing counter-arguments.

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Morrow also rates me a 5, which is fair.

The Austin Chronicle notes that Morrow will retain some very real administrative responsibilities: “filing state and federal reports, running the monthly meetings, approving candidates for the ballot, and certifying election results.” That should go great.


Robert Morrow. Screenshot via YouTube/Floyd Anderson, Big Time Small-Time Dicks logo by staff male Bobby Finger