During Thursday evening’s Republican debate, Ted Cruz doubled-down on his condemnation of Play-Doh factory explosion Donald Trump’s so-called “New York values.” Babe, just say what you mean: Jewish, black, gay values.


“I think most people know exactly what New York values are,” Cruz winked at the camera, like the in-house comic at Führer headquarters.

Let’s read between the FCC-condoned slurs.


“There are many, many wonderful working [white, Christian] men and women in the state of New York. But everyone understands that the values in New York City are socially liberal, pro-abortion, pro-Gay marriage [because black, Jewish, gay people live there], and focus on money [Jew Jew Jew] and the media [Jew Jew Jew]. Indeed, the reason I said that, as I was asked, my friend Donald has taken to in his advance playing Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA.’ And I was asked what I thought of that. ‘Well, if he wanted to play a song, he could play ‘New York, New York.’ [Unexpected throwback Italian burn.]”

Trump, to his credit, responded quite well. Although, if a man who has lived in New York his whole life can’t mount a proper defense of the city, then literally what else would he be able to do?

Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.