Staid local goblin Ted Cruz is holding a press conference Wednesday in Indianapolis to announce that Carly Fiorina will be his pick for vice president, according to multiple reports. The two have previously been seen together in the hideous fever dreams you experience after a long night of watching C-SPAN 3 and huffing wood glue from a NASCAR mug.
Cruz chose to make this announcement the day after he lost five states to Donald Trump. He promised reporters he would continue to run a “positive, forward-looking” campaign based on inciting hatred against trans people.
Carly Fiorina, who is presumably very excited about all this, didn’t release a statement ahead of the announcement. In an unusually good tweet, Donald Trump did so on her behalf:
Fiorina and Cruz on March 11, 2016. Photo via AP