Sinkhole Thwarted in Attempt to Swallow White House Into Depths of Hell

Somber news to report: The White House remains on this earthly plane of existence, successfully thwarting the universe’s attempt to pull it into the underworld where it belongs.

The National Park Service is trying to patch up a sinkhole that developed on the North Lawn of the White House last week. Journalists on the ground report that the sinkhole is getting filled with gravel

According to the National Park Service, the sinkhole doesn’t pose a threat to the White House or its employees.