If you were outdoors enjoying the beauty of nature and the preciousness of being alive on this early fall day, you really missed out on a great Fox News shouting match.

On Your World With Neil Cavuto, Fox Business Network Senior Correspondent Charlie Gasparino joined host Neil Cavuto to discuss the Pope’s impending visit to New York City, and the two playfully got into it over the fact that donors to St. Patrick’s Cathedral in New York City didn’t get put in better seats than their poorer counterparts. Neil believed it shouldn’t matter. Charlie did. Then the two engaged in one of our most sacred American rituals: yelling about Jesus and money at the same time.

Charlie Gasparino: I believe Jesus is a capitalist. Jesus is gonna say thank you for making money and putting people to work. And yes, you deserve the better seat.

Cavuto: You think if Jesus heard them whining about not getting a good seat... I think on that alone he’d say ‘You’re goin to the flames!

Gasparino: Jesus would say thank you for the millions of dollars you gave to refurbish a church and to feed the hungry. And to help the poor get jobs. That’s what.

[Crosstalk involving speculation over whether or not Charlie Gasparino has a soul]

Cavuto: On some level. On some level. ON SOME LEVEL!!! You must be saying, I sound crazy. I’m whining because I gave a lot of money to the church and I don’t have a good seat.

Gasparino: Fox News Alert: Neil Cavuto’s brain has been taken over by Bernie Sanders.

Cavuto: At least I have a brain to take over. My point is —

[Crosstalk]

Gasparino: Do you think Jesus Christ is a commie? Do you think Jesus Christ is a communist?

Cavuto: I think you’re a communist.

Gasparino: You’re a communist.

Cavuto: You know what you want? You want special treatment. You want to get special treatment. You’re giving capitalism a bad name.

Gasparino: Put that in your pumpkin spice latte.

Ah, the old pumpkin spice latte liberal joke. That one’s so old it requires hundreds of preservatives to give it the air of freshness, much like a pumpkin spice latte. You can watch the whole beautiful exchange here.

Advertisement

The subject of Jesus and communism reminds me of something I remember discussing in depth in college theology. My professor for that class was a Jesuit priest, like Pope Francis, and he was pretty fond of this verse from the Gospel of John, Chapter 2.

Since the Passover of the Jews was near, Jesus went up to Jerusalem. He found in the temple area those who sold oxen, sheep, and doves, as well as the money-changers seated there. He made a whip out of cords and drove them all out of the temple area, with the sheep and oxen, and spilled the coins of the money-changers and overturned their tables, and to those who sold doves he said, “Take these out of here, and stop making my Father’s house a marketplace.”

Meanwhile at Fox News, Neil and Charlie are having a nice, Christian laugh while rolled-up $100 bills slowly slide out their buttholes. It’s called $harting, and Jesus, I’m sure, would love it.


Contact the author at erin@jezebel.com.