Rudy, You Fuckin' Dumbass

Rudy Giuliani loves to pride himself on how he’s the savior of New York—even though he set up the city for its eventual blanket gentrification via draconian laws, among other destructive tactics—because he happened to be the mayor during 9/11, a fact he likes to bring up a lot. But there are certain universal characteristics that truly define New Yorkers, such as knowing how to effectively travel on a busy sidewalk without stopping the flow, knowing how to squeeze in a subway car that is packed to the gills, and knowing where to buy loosies (if you’re into that kind of thing).

One of the most instinctive of these characteristics is not opening the car door into oncoming traffic, a skill that can mean your actual survival; if you’re getting out of a cab, you get out curbside, and if for some reason you cannot get out curbside, you make sure another vehicle is not speeding towards you before you step out into traffic. This is some basic, basic shit—the stop-drop-and-roll of getting around in NYC. So why, then, did Rudy Giuliani, Mister New York City (baby!), do precisely that today? And what does it mean for his reputation as Gotham’s racist uncle you have to put up with on Thanksgiving?

New York Daily News, the city’s #resistance tabloid, reports that this mfer and two of his staffers “doored” a pedicab today in the most pathetically amateur move:

Giuliani, 73, and two of his staffers were exiting a Cadillac SUV near the corner of 49th St. and Eighth Ave. about 2:20 p.m. when someone flung open a door and clipped a passing pedicab driver.

The pedicab driver, 33, was not injured.

Fortunately, no one got physically hurt, but Giuliani’s already inflicted enough damage—fucking up NYC, running for president in a sad way, now working for Trump, you know, the usj. This is just insult to injury, though, and utterly pathetic, that a man who effectively ruined the nation’s greatest city for anyone not making upwards of six figures doesn’t even know how to open a door in it. Pedicab driver, our thoughts and prayers are with you. Rudy, our thoughts and prayers are never with you. Amen.