An accurate and crucial poll released on Monday shows that Americans believe that wilted turkey skin puppet Donald Trump is the most likely candidate to ruin Thanksgiving, and a wide margin of Republicans are mad at Obama for pardoning more turkeys than the usual number. If our campaign season weren’t so hellishly long we wouldn’t have time to do this. Think about that.

Public Policy Polling, one of the most trusted political polling firms in the country, released their Thanksgiving edition Monday morning. It answers many of your burning questions, including:

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Who would be most likely to join your “inappropriate” uncle at the weird end of the table?

Duh:

46% say they think Trump would be the candidate most likely to ruin Thanksgiving, as much as all the rest of the candidates combined. Hillary Clinton at 22%, Bernie Sanders at 7%, Jeb Bush and Ben Carson at 6%, Ted Cruz at 4%, and Marco Rubio at 1% round out the standings on who people think would be most likely to wreck the holiday.

Is President Obama’s decision to pardon two turkeys named “Macaroni” and “Cheese” a disgusting desecration of the traditional pardoning of just one?

The nerve of that man, say a full 38 percent of Republicans surveyed:

The examples of the GOP’s reflexive opposition to President Obama’s agenda are many but this may be the best one yet: by a 27 point margin Republicans say they disapprove of the President’s executive order last year pardoning two Thanksgiving turkeys (Macaroni and Cheese) instead of the customary one. Only 11% of Republicans support the President’s executive order last year to 38% who are opposed- that’s a pretty clear sign that if you put Obama’s name on something GOP voters are going to oppose it pretty much no matter what. Overall there’s 35/22 support for the pardon of Macaroni and Cheese thanks to 59/11 support from Democrats and 28/21 from independents.

And finally, crucially:

Do those closer to death enjoy cranberry sauce more?

Do you even have to ask?

There is a massive generational divide on the issues of cranberry sauce. Seniors (80/17) say they like it by a 63 point margin while young voters (42/48) say they dislike it by a 6 point margin. If those numbers hold cranberry sauce may die out as a tradition in the next generation or two. But overall 63% of Americans say they like it currently to 32% who don’t.

PPP says they took their Thanksgiving polling suggestions from the American people:

You can read a summary of all the poll results here, or take a look at the full data, which indicates that 1,360 registered voters stayed on the phone long enough to register how they feel about turkeys named Mac and Cheese.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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One of the turkeys selected for pardon struts in front of the staff of Foster Farms, Modesto California, November 19, 2015. We don’t know if it’s Mac or Cheese. We just don’t know. Photo via AP Images