After months of poll numbers collapsing like a once proud but increasingly weary hairdo, Rand Paul was relegated to the “undercard” GOP debate planned for Thursday night, at No One Is Paying Attention O’Clock. He is not going, because this represents the media and the RNC toying with him.

Paul appeared on the Daily Show Wednesday night and CNN Thursday morning to express his unwillingness to participate in a frankly humiliating mini-debate. Instead, he and Trevor Noah drank “Issues Bourbon” (labeled “War in the Middle East” and “Economy”) and played a drinking game wherein Noah took a shot “every time I feel like you’re not answering my question.” (Noah didn’t actually end up taking many shots, except some voluntary ones, and the conversation was pleasantly substantive.)

This morning, Paul appeared on CNN to accuse the media of “pre-deciding an election” by not having him in the debate, even though the people clearly responsible for that are the RNC.

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“I have an important voice,” he added. “What do you think the liberty movement, the liberty voters in the Republican party, are thinking now that the Republican party, in league with one of the media networks, is saying ‘We’re not going to let the liberty candidate onstage.’”

Paul did acknowledge that the RNC makes the rules, but also blamed Fox, tonight’s debate host, for “accepting these rules.”

Luckily, the kids table debate has several other options for the imploding candidacy of your choice: Carly Fiorina, Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee will all be there.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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