Politico had a beautiful and perfect story late Tuesday about preparations for the next Republican debate, taking place Wednesday night in Boulder, Colorado. Every campaign got a “greenroom” to prepare, or, in the case of Chris Christie and Rand Paul, something that looks a lot like a repurposed toilet. Sometimes metaphors are too on-the-nose, you know?

According to the Politico report, Paul and Christie’s campaigns were fuming at the Republican National Committee for a debate setup that gave higher-polling candidates some slightly better backstage waiting areas: Trump had a giant sofa. Carly Fiorina had a room with a Jacuzzi in it. And their guys, polling right near the bottom, had, um, something else:

The drama began Tuesday afternoon as RNC officials led campaigns on a walk-through of the debate site. After touring the stage, candidates got a peek at what their greenrooms looked like.

Trump was granted a spacious room, complete with plush chairs and a flat-screen TV. Marco Rubio got a theater-type room, packed with leather seats for him and his team of aides. Carly Fiorina’s room had a Jacuzzi.

Then there was Chris Christie, whose small space was dominated by a toilet. So was Rand Paul’s.

Chris Christie’s campaign manager Ken McKay is said to have fumed, “This is ridiculous. We’re in a restroom.” And a Rand Paul adviser, Chris LaCivita, took it all to Twitter:

Meanwhile, Politico says, Bobby Jindal’s advisers were complaining about the debate format, which has put him yet again in the little-watched kid’s table first debate.

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There’s a brutal Republican efficiency and matter-of-factness at work here: Bobby Jindal and Lindsey Graham and Rick Santorum and George Pataki will debate one another in an empty room with no one paying attention because no one is going to vote for them. And with Rand Paul and Chris Christie polling at 2 and 3 percent, respectively, well, do they deserve a Jaccuzzi? Shouldn’t they have to earn a Jaccuzzi, constructing it entirely out of bootstraps and homemade American flags and filling it to the brim with the sweat of their brows and the salty tears they shed doing hard and honest work? Mmm?

Anyway, the Paul campaign evidently whined effectively enough that they were given a new greenroom:

We don’t know at the moment if Governor Christie is still in the toilet.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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Christie talks with employees during a campaign stop at East Coast Lumber Wednesday, Oct. 7, 2015, in East Hampstead, New Hampshire. Photo via AP Images