Former presidential candidate Ben Carson, who’s still 100-percent worthy of my love, doesn’t understand why we have to boot Andrew Jackson from the front of the $20 bill in favor of Harriet Tubman. Why not put her on a lesser bill to match her subservient position? Perhaps a bill that’s barely in circulation?

“I think Andrew Jackson was a tremendous secretary—I mean a tremendous president,” Carson told Fox Business Network on Wednesday. “Andrew Jackson was the last president who actually balanced the federal budget.”

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Fox host Neil Cavuto then continues, “And here he gets kicked off the $20 bill.”

Carson agrees: “Right, in honor of that we kick him off the money,” he says.

We KICK him off the MONEY. We takey the good president off the paper thingy. Look, the Underground Railroad was cool and everything, according to Carson, but not enough to warrant completely disrespecting this old amazing slaveholder.

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“I love Harriet Tubman, I love what she did,” says Carson, sympathetically. “But can we find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill?”

Good idea. Never thought of it. Next, let’s put Carson on the penny, call it the benny, and then take it out of circulation right away.


Illustration by Bobby Finger