Rand Paul holds an impromptu press conference outside where the room where the bill was supposed to be. Photo via AP

A few months ago, in what feels like a very distant alternate reality, Donald Trump promised Congress would repeal and replace Obamacare “very quickly.” Now, evidently, someone has written a replacement bill. It is being kept in a secret location and nobody can seem to find it or read it, which sounds exactly like how the legislative process is supposed to work.

Bloomberg Politics reported Wednesday that a draft of the proposed bill would be kept in a dedicated “reading room,” but would only be made available to the members and staffers on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, where it is going to be introduced. That’s because a draft of the bill leaked last week and other Republicans complained about it. The most important part of lawmaking is ensuring that nobody gets their feelings hurt!

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Lover of liberty and tallest Keebler elf Rand Paul found the situation ridiculous, and launched a scavenger hunt Thursday morning to find and read the secret bill. He even brought a copy machine, because Rand is as committed to theatrics as he is to that hairstyle, apparently.

Soon, other members of Congress joined the hunt, which you paid for.

The plot began to thicken, boil out of its cauldron and grow tentacles when the bill was moved to prevent it from Rand Paul’s prying eyes. Or perhaps it was never located where it was supposed to be located to begin with?

As of this afternoon, no one has successfully found or read this stupid bill.

As Bloomberg notes, “nobody” includes the Congressional Budget Office, who typically provide cost estimates for every bill introduced. Rep. Chris Collins, who sits on the Energy Committee, told the news outlet that “unfortunately,” the bill might have to be voted on before the CBO gets to see it.

Please let us know if anyone finds this bill.