Are you ready to pass out in a puddle of your own tear-vomit cocktail? Good! Because live from Des Moines, it’s the Fox News/Google GOP debate!

This evening will be notably lacking Donald Trump, a.k.a. the Alison DiLaurentis of the group (I just started watching Pretty Little Liars!) a.k.a. the popular, chatty, outrageous one who binds the girls together and dictates the group’s energy. Now that he’s left them behind (you can follow along with a live blog of his protest-cum-narcissistic wank off here), what will become of the others? Will John Kasich act out or stick to the talking points? Will Jeb Bush finally express an opinion? Will Ted Cruz unzip his skin and reveal that he is just a pile of used napkins? Will Chris Christie explode like a rocket and shoot through the ceiling?

We’ll find out, together.


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.