Image via AP.

Breaking news indicates our luxurious new president-elect has been holding a decidedly low-rent secret close to his chest—Donald Trump uses scotch tape to alter his clothing.

The secret was revealed in a gust of wind Thursday when Trump landed in Cincinnati for the first rally on his “victory tour,” that drew hundreds of people to hear him brag about winning the election.

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Despite his eponymous tie company, Trump’s taste in neckwear has always been suspect. His choices tend to be garish and are often long enough to touch his knees when he’s walking up a staircase, should he ever attempt a flight. But this is a new low, even for a man who spends every day proving Dolly Parton was right when she declared, “It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

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What’s next—is he going to start stapling his waistband shut? Hemming his pants with a safety pin?

Given his current situation, it probably couldn’t hurt...