Jeb Bush, that sweet, sad Guaca-Bowle hawker, is honestly just relieved you’re asking for his opinion about anything.

At a recent luncheon in West Palm Beach, Florida, the littlest Bush was asked how the selfie had changed modern campaigns. Undoubtedly, inside his head, a number of buzz word alarms went off at once, causing him to launch into the following lesson more about how to ungracefully lose an election than anything else.

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“The selfie is now the 11th amendment of the Bill of Rights. It’s inspired by our framers and founders, apparently. It is a requirement that you take one and I do it with great joy in my heart,” is a sentence he gamely strung together.

“I don’t know, look, it wasn’t that long ago that people wanted signatures on things, and now, forget that. I want my damn selfie and I’m not leaving until I get it. We spend a lot of quality time doing that and hoping that the person has a long enough arm or I will take over.”

“Just for the record, young people do it better than older people,” he continued. “We’ll go through a little training class here; It’s cooler to do it diagonally rather than straight up, remember that. And it’s better to do it higher than lower because you look skinnier.”

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Let’s just keep asking him questions like this for the next year. No need to hassle someone already on his political death bed.


Contact the author at joanna@jezebel.com.