Former Speaker of the House John Boehner gave an extremely candid talk at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, in which he gave attendees permission to call him “boner” (“You can call me boner, beaner, jackass, happy to answer to almost anything”) and graced writers ‘cross the internet with the one thing that always, always makes us smile: Ted Cruz insults.

From The Stanford Daily (via Jessica Lustig):

When specifically asked his opinions on Ted Cruz, Boehner made a face, drawing laughter from the crowd.

“Lucifer in the flesh,” the former speaker said. “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a bitch in my life.”

Wow, gorgeous, thank you, Boner!

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At another point in his talk, the former Speaker reportedly got a chilly reception from the crowd when he tried out some light Republican misogyny, impersonating Clinton and saying “Oh I’m a woman, vote for me.” According to the Daily, he later speculated that if another Clinton scandal hits, “two weeks before the convention, here comes Joe Biden parachuting in and Barack Obama fanning the flames to make it all happen,” which is a fun and interesting thing to imagine happening on a literal level.

Boehner also said, interestingly, of his fellow Republicans’ bizarre Reagan worship: “I love all these knuckleheads talking about the party of Reagan. He would be the most moderate Republican elected today.”

He was less willing to shit-talk the other Republican candidates—he is “texting buddies” with Donald Trump—but did say, rather mysteriously, that John Kasich “requires more effort on my behalf than all my other friends … but he’s still my friend, and I love him.”

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Quick pitch to Andy Cohen: A new Real Housewives of D.C., but it’s just John Boehner smoking cigarettes on a golf course and going to the tanning bed and stirring the pot in Congress by proxy.


Image via Getty