“Without knowing anything about the case,” says the most electable political vampire in the entire cartoon castle, “the first thing [the left] started talking about was gun control. I don’t hear anybody talking about bomb control.”

Sorry, what now?

“They put bombs,” says Rubio, “and left bombs behind on the scene of attack, intending to kill even more people than they did with guns.”

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Now that’s what I call analysis. You know, Rubio, another thing I don’t hear anybody talking about is how quickly your currently-unelectable ass will flip on that whole “no exceptions for rape and incest” thing if you somehow makes it out of this worst-ever playthrough of Super Mario Kart Ghost Valley to win the nomination, or, even, how FUCKING annoying that will be.


Contact the author at jia@jezebel.com.