Today, in a beautiful dudefight that perfectly illustrates the relentlessly petty dickishness of the American political process, we have this: an aide to Governor Mike Huckabee is said to have physically blocked Ted Cruz from talking to reporters or the crowd at yesterday’s rally in support of Kim Davis.

Both Huckabee and Cruz were eager to show that they love Kim Davis and hate gay people getting married like, the most, with Huckabee promising he’d go to jail in Davis’ place (not how it works, Mike) and Cruz circulating a petition that inveighed against “judicial tyranny” and “persecution.” (With no sense of irony, he also decried the “lawless court opinion” of the Supreme Court).

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But the New York Times reports that there was some undignified jostling to get next to Kim:

When Mr. Cruz, who met with Ms. Davis, exited the Carter County Detention Center, a throng of journalists beckoned him toward their microphones, but an aide to Mr. Huckabee blocked the path of Mr. Cruz, who appeared incredulous.

Beautiful. Perfect. Who is this aide? How much frantic football play-style planning did Huckabee’s camp do to make sure that Ted Cruz wouldn’t be able to get onstage and yell identical things about Christians being under attack? Do you think both men are really sore that they took identical photos with Kim Davis in the same sad little room?

In the next phase of this particular dudefight, both men will have to bring up Davis at the next Republican debate, with bonus points going to whomever manages to work her name into their reply on a totally unrelated question. Place your bets now, but we’re going with Cruz, who will — just a guess here — turn a question about climate change into an answer about how Christians are just moments from being rounded up and placed in very gay internment camps.

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Update, 1:15: Maybe God does answer prayer, because there’s a gif of Ted Cruz’s big letdown and it’s...pretty wonderful.


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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