It seems like just moments ago that we all endured the first debate among thousands of Republicans who want to be president. And yet somehow, both fall and another debate are upon us, twin reminders of the passage of time, the inevitability of death, and the grim unpleasant duties that consume much of our fleeting waking lives upon this mortal coil. So join Jezebel tonight for a debate liveblog, and more fun thoughts like that one.

Your debaters this evening will be: Future leader of the free world Donald Trump, former HP executive Carly Fiorina, who will probably yell at Donald Trump for saying something stupid and sexist about her, neurosurgeon and huge hypocrite Ben Carson, New Jersey Governor and sex-haver Chris Christie, curly-haired NSA-and-abortion-hating fifth Beatle Kentucky Senator Rand Paul, former Florida Governor and sad robot Jeb Bush, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, taking time out from his busy schedule of hating women, unions and the poor, Florida Senator Marco Rubio, who’s too boring to joke about, evil elderly Cabbage Patch doll Mike Huckabee, the very unchill Texas Senator Ted Cruz, and poor, poor John Kasich, who no one will pay attention to. (We won’t be blogging the earlier debate with Bobby Jindal, Lindsey Graham, George Pataki and Rick Santorum, because we, like America, don’t care about them).

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This clown car full of pain will be moderated by CNN’s Jake Tapper, who we actually like. Hi, Jake.

Things are already getting satisfyingly weird in the moments leading up to the debate:

Bring your own snacks, however much alcohol it’s going to take you to power through this thing, and your creeping sense that none of this is funny as much as it’s just terribly, terribly bleak.

See you tonight at 8 pm!


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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