Ah, November 2015. Back when Bobby Jindal was still running for president and Ted Cruz was just another weird, squinty goblin-man who said things like “abortifacient,” noted anti-gay pastor Kevin Swanson hosted Jindal, Cruz, and Mike Huckabee at the so-called National Religious Liberties Conference to chat about God and committing genocide.

At the conference, prior to introducing Cruz, Swanson waved his arms around and really got down to the root of this religious liberty issue, screeching a completely insane range of statements like, “Yes, Leviticus 20:13 calls for the death penalty for homosexuals, yes!” and then, “His words, not mine!” and, “I...am willing...to go...to jail!” The MSNBC clip also shows Swanson yelling “These are the people with the sores, the gaping sores! The sores that are pus-y! And gross! And people are coming in and carving happy faces on the sores! ...Don’t you dare carve happy faces on open pus-y sores!”

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Swanson’s bloodthirsty views were well-known prior to the conference, but in December, a spokesman from the Cruz campaign told USA Today that while Sen. Cruz is “passionate about religious liberties,” given Swanson’s comments it was “a mistake to attend the event.”

Recently, Trump supporters, whose candidate of choice had a tricky time disavowing a white supremacist, have seized on this relative anthill of moral superiority in a bid to throw Cruz’s campaign off balance, fully solidifying that the Republican primary is just a bunch of pieces of poop trying to act like they smell less bad than the other poops.

At this point in the poop metaphor, I’d say we’re all barreling towards November 2016 in a burning, shit-covered Carnival Cruise, hoping to get airlifted out for an emergency dialysis treatment.


Contact the author at ellie@jezebel.com.