Donald Trump, a full-grown Monopoly dog carefully balancing a spongecake atop his head, is familiar with the concept of human emotion. He hasn’t engaged in it personally, but he knows of it.

In an interview with the Christian Broadcasting Network, which we saw via Talking Points Memo, Trump answered the big question: Does he weep? If so, does he produce tears? Soggy dollar-bill dust? Rancid champagne-flavored custard? None of the above, he told host David Brody:

David Brody: “This is my Barbara Walters question, and it’s not ‘what tree would you be?’ But I’m curious, have you cried before? Has that been something that you’ve done in your life?”

Donald Trump: “ Well, that’s even beyond a Barbara Walters question, she has never asked me that. No, I’m not a big crier. I like to get things done. I’m not a big crier. I’m not someone who goes around crying a lot. But I know people like that. I know plenty of people that cry. They’re very good people. But I have not been a big crier.”

TPM points out that Trump once told Jimmy Fallon he’d last cried as a one-year-old.

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And while Donald Trump is obviously a tremendous liar who’s allergic to introspection, it’s also sort of fascinating that he stoutly insists he’s never wept, considering his brother Fred died after a long struggle with alcoholism. It’s interesting considering he has children and grandchildren and several marriages under his belt, and people have been known to weep happy tears at occasions like those. It’s just really interesting.

Here’s the full CBN video, if you ever wanted to see a marvel of human efficiency and non-crying in action:


Contact the author at anna.merlan@jezebel.com.
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Donald Trump not crying in Concord, New Hampshire, January 18, 2016. Photo via AP Images