Donald Trump has suddenly decided not to come to CPAC, according to CPAC.

Trump was scheduled to speak Saturday morning at 8:30, an objectively awful timeslot, and now he is evidently not coming at all. Now how will the GOP faithful learn about his apparently giant dick?

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In a press release, Trump said he would be back next year, as president, probably:

The Donald J. Trump for President Campaign has just announced we will be in Witchita, Kansas for a major rally on Saturday, prior to the Caucus. Mr. Trump will also be speaking at the Kansas Caucus and then departing for Orlando, Florida to speak to a crowd of approximately 20,000 people or more. Because of this, he will not be able to speak at CPAC, as he has done for many consecutive years. Mr. Trump would like to thank Matt Schlapp and all of the executives at CPAC and looks forward to returning to next year, hopefully as President of the United States.


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