On Thursday, Donald Trump, a disturbingly old Dennis the Menace impersonator, suggested that maybe abortions should be illegal and women who have them should be punished. He then semi-backtracked. Last night on CNN, Ben Carson, his most half-hearted endorser, argued that, in Trump’s defense, he didn’t think at all before he spoke.

Trump’s campaign later clarified that the issue is “unclear” and that he is “pro-life with exceptions” and would punish the abortion provider, not the woman.

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The real joke here is on anyone who thinks Donald Trump has actual policy positions and not a vast collection of wild half-thoughts he pulls from his innermost rectum and shoves towards us to examine. Nonetheless, Carson, who has for some reason endorsed Trump, went on TV to try to explain what the candidate really meant.

“Bear in mind, I don’t believe that he was warned that that question was coming,” Carson told Erin Burnett. “And I don’t think he really had a chance to really think about it.”

That’s reassuring! What else, Ben?

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“That happens very frequently,” Carson added. “And you know, what you develop with experience is how to answer that in a way that is not definitive. You know how politicians are. He has not really learned that — he’s not a politician.”

Carson also praised Trump for eventually coming up with “a more rational and informed answer,” which, truly, is the best we can possibly hope for.

Meanwhile, Trump spokesperson Katrina Pierson is going with “Trump misspoke.”

We are living in a terrifying dystopian nightmare and it would be funny were it not so awful.