“Attack the daddies”

Were you looking forward to the March 21 Fox News Channel GOP debate to be held in Salt Lake City? Of course you were; we all were. But you might as well throw out all those beans you bought in preparation for your bean dip because it’s canceled. Well, fuck.

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The network made the decision after Donald Trump announced he couldn’t make it:

“I think we have had enough debates,” he said during a phone interview on Fox & Friends. “We have had 11 or 12 debates. I did really well on the last one. I think I have done well in all the debates...But I think we’ve had enough. How many times can the same people ask you the same question?”

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“Nobody told me about it,” he added. “And I won’t be there, no...I’m making a very major speech in front of a very important group of people.”

He’s talking about a speech he’ll deliver at American Israel Public Affairs Committee’s (AIPAC) annual conference. It’s fine.

After Trump pulled out, also-ran John Kasich followed suit: “Donald Trump’s decision to scuttle the Salt Lake City debate is disappointing, but not surprising. His values are out of step with the people of Utah,” a statement from the campaign read. “We had hoped to contrast Governor Kasich’s positive inclusive approach to problem solving with Trump’s campaign of division. If he changes his mind, we will be there.”

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Guess who was still game, though? You know him as the Daddy in “Attack the Daddy,” Ted Cruz.

Fox News laughed politely and canceled the debate anyway:

“Obviously, there needs to be more than one participant,” the above statement reads.

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Not sure if they know that Cruz was a master debater and definitely could have one-manned-show-ed those three hours which I would have liked to watch. When you lose the race, Daddy, I know several basement theaters that would be interested in offering you a run.


Art by Bobby Finger. Images via Getty